Everything is bigger in DFW

I wanted to update everyone about what has been going on with us recently with some news of moving,and our TTC journey.

When Mike was offered the job with SC we were told it would not be for a Lubbock position,but we wouldn't move out of TX either. We knew it could happen sometime after Christmas so we have been mentally preparing,since we did just move into our rental home. We found out a few weeks ago that we will in fact be moving to DFW in January. Mike will be working in Mansfield,but we haven't decided where we want to live yet. Next month when I go to NYC,instead of coming back to Lubbock,I am flying into DFW where Mike will meet me,and we plan to spend a few days looking at cities,homes,school districts etc. Most likely though,we will live in Arlington. Mike and I have both gone through a lot of emotions,especially with Mike moving away from Alex and Ashley,but I have lived in Lubbock since birth,most of my family is here,I have been at my job for 2 years, and our Maternal/Fetal Dr is here,and I had planned on going through our pregnancy journey with him.We are both excited though,since this we be a journey for Mike and I to experience together..

Now to the TTC issue,yes we are still trying. We are now on cycle 11,which is disappointing,but with my Balanced Translocation (refer to my first blog post) it can make the entire conceiving journey more difficult. The good thing out of this,is since we are now nearing the 1 year mark,we can start doing more testing with Dr.Hales and hopefully speed up with process before we move. Dr.Hales had told me that he has Dr's he works with closely in Dallas,so that is comforting. I have had so many different emotions through this journey so far. I have had a lot of resentment towards God at some points,because it seems crazy that I am the 1 out of 1000 births that has this chromosome disorder,that is making the process of trying to start a family a pain in the ass. There are 16 year olds all over the place with babies that they cant take care of,but we are a married couple ready for a family,and having trouble. That is when I have to think back to the day we met with our Genetic Counselor,we went into the appointment expecting to hear that we would have to adopt or do extensive IVF,but she didn't say any of that. She told us that we can have our own healthy baby,at some point. As we near the 1 year mark and our 2 year anniversary,I can only hope and pray that we get our BFP soon.

That being said I wanted to offer up some advice to those who know someone experiencing trouble TTC. I have heard it all,and it never gets easier...truthfully I want to scream and walk away when I hear these statements. They are neither helpful or reassuring. Just ask if there is anything you can do to help or simply say that you will pray for the couple as they go through the process,and wish them luck.

1.Just relax it will happen. Obviously it hasn't and I am well aware.

2.I bet when you stop "trying" you will get pregnant. Okay,we all know there are certain things that HAVE to happen to get pregnant.

3. It happened for us on the first try. Yeah,that's really what I want to hear.

4. You wouldn't understand,you have never had a baby. Well thank the F outta you. I had NO idea.

5. I bet their is nothing wrong with you. Ok I have had chromosomal testing done,I do in fact have a BT.

6. And my favorite...you can always just adopt or do IVF. You have a few thousand $$ laying around because I don't,and they are both upwards of $10-$20k. Trust me,I have done the research.

Until next time!

Update

Well friends,I was hoping by now I could create a blog saying we are expecting or something like that...but for now I cant. I have really had to sit down and take a deep breath with the whole baby adventure. As most of you know,Mike and I started trying for a baby in December with no luck to date. It is definatly disheartening to go from thinking I could never have a baby to hearing I can and now experiencing fertility issues. I know I know, there are the stories of couples trying for years before they get pregnant...we don't have that luxury...that's one of the sacrifices to be made when you enter into a marriage with a significant age difference. It is so frustrating...we are a married almost 2 years,happy, financially stable couple ready to have a baby only to experience problems. Of course if I were 16 and not planning,this would have happened the first try. I have had alot of anger directed towards God....alot of "why me's" but with the roller coaster our lives have been on the last few weeks,I think this is why I haven't gotten pregnant....now I can see,that maybe God was holding us off for our own good. Mike recently got a demotion from his position,with a significant pay cut,right when we were about to go through the home buying process. Unfortunately, after the wedding we fell back on two credit cards that have gotten out of hand (let this be a word of advice to those of you who want to spend $15k on your dream wedding) and we were finally at the point we could settle the cards and get us into our first home..and then the demotion happened. So we went from moving our lives in the right direction to having to step back and re-evaluate the situation. It is not the ideal situation,but we found a beautiful rental home that will allow us to have the room we need for the kids,and allow to take the next year or two,and get completely out of debt,and then maybe we can buy our dream home. So that is a little update as to what has been going on the last 7 months...hopefully by the end of the year we will have some good news for you all!

Christmas at the Swissler's

It's never been widely published,but last christmas was our first christmas married,I was working a crap job for $8 an hour,we had no money,were in debt to our eyeballs,the kids got 2 or 3 presents each, and that is also when our marriage started going south. So needless to say last christmas is one I never want to relive.

This christmas however,was fantastic. Mike and I couldnt be happier with our relationship,my wonderful job (and Mike's) allowed us to go way overboard on presents for the kids,and just the simple fact that Mike,Alex,Ashley and I all woke up in the same house on christmas morning for the FIRST time ever,was amazing. My family came over on christmas eve and we all talked,I made mom's homemade eggnog (which is a must in the Howard's family; It's amazing beyond words) and after all the guests had left we put the kids to bed in our room so Mike could sneak their new bunkbeds into their room! So Mike spent an hour doing that while I layed in bed with the kids,rubbing Ashley's back for 30 minutes and watching one of their gifts; Despicable me! So Mike and I slept on the couch while the kids had our room,and 5 hours after sleep we were pounced on by an 8 and 11 year old at 5:30am ready to open presents. Needless to say the kids had a great christmas this year,as did Mike and I :)

Here are a few pics from the day...forgive me it was 5:30 am and I had only gotten a few hours of sleep!

                                                         Ashley was hiding in the box

                                                                      The loot

                                                       Sasha was helping Alex apparently

                                                           New helmet and skateboard!

                                                                    Cheesy Smile ;-)

                                                                 Kids new bunkbeds!

Oh Christmas Tree....

So I have had real Christmas tree's all my life. I can't do a fake one,I have to have the smell encompassing my house and all. Well I decided the week after thanksgiving was time to get our real tree. Like some miracle we found the PERFECT tree and I couldn't have been happier. Sadly though we noticed said tree was not soaking up any water. I prayed and prayed for my perfect tree to make a comeback,but last night we laid it to rest in the dumpster, and had to go out and get another one...which I'm still deciding if I like or not. So here is my memorial for my most perfect tree,that didn't make it.

 

 

We made it through....

This is my first blog on here so please forgive me!

The past year has been a crazy one,but we made it through it. As most of you know, Mike and I filed for divorce after an awful first 8 months of marriage,but through God,lots of counseling,and finding each other again,we made it through and are now happier than ever. There is so much pressure these days on married couples to be perfect and story book like their first year of marriage,that most of us forget to turn off WE TV and take a look at reality. That first year is tough! But Mike and I are the perfect example,we came back from that hell and now work every day on improving our marriage,love,and friendship.


So that leads us to where we are now....babies! Some of my closest friends and family know that from early childhood I was told that I would never be able to have my own baby....that I would have to rely on a sister or egg donor to conceive.I have what is known as a roberstonian translocation of chromosomes 13 and 14. Essentially I have only 45 chromosomes instead of the normal 46.Growing up this never really phased me,but at about 19 I started to realize that it was a big deal. After Mike and I made it through our rough patch,it was an even bigger deal. My everyday thoughts were consumed with baby baby baby. So in November we finally decided we were ready to meet with doctors and start exploring options. We met with a general OB who told us that it was a "crap shoot" and my chances of having a normal healthy pregnancy were less than 20%. Not great news. So after spending countless hours online,calling all over Tx for IVF clinics,and plummeting my credit rating by applying for countless loans (IVF can run upwards or $20k) I was left hopeless. I was beginning to accept I might never be a mom. We decided to go ahead and speak with a geneticist/genetic counselor last week...and it's a decision I'll never regret. We were told that A) My former OB needs to keep his mouth shut about genetics and B) We have a higher than 60% of having our own healthy baby. To hear this was a feeling I'll never forget. I can be a mom. The only difference between "normal" women and me,is that I do have a slightly higher risk of miscarriages,and I will be considered high risk up until 10 weeks. So imagine hearing you will never be a parent,to this....pretty incredible. Understandably Mike is worried about my emotional health as well as physical if we do have to endure a miscarriage,but to know we still have that 60% is music to my ears.


So needless to say I am on the baby-making train of thought all day! I traded in my sexy sports car,and got a mommy-mobile and couldn't be happier. I take my prenatal vitamin every night,stopped alcohol completely,began weight watchers again and started working out regularly. I want my body to be in as best shape as possible for this bundle of joy; whenever God should choose we are ready. It may be uncomfortable to change every aspect of my life at once,but I am completely okay with it. That baby is way more important than any sweet or fried food any day! So as I end my first blog (eek!) I ask you all to keep us in your prayers, as we will have a rough road ahead but know we will make it to the other side at some point. We just don't know when.

God Bless!